Cold as Ice

It's been three years and 10 months since we've been together. 

I know its not because of the distance because I've been feeling this way long before I knew I was going abroad. For that long period of time, my relationship had been really boring me. Making love wasn't as exciting as it was the first time around. Dating had been like a chore or an excuse just for me to do some errands. You know the feeling when you had too much of something that it's making you sick?

He is a keeper. The best boyfriend as some would say. A husband material. The kind of boyfriend anyone would wish to have. Takes care of you when you are sick. Gets worried when you're angry or upset on something. I wouldn't blame him if this relationship wouldn't work out. It's definitely on me.

I know I will regret this decision but I'm thinking on letting him go because I'm feeling that I'm hurting him this way. I've been really lazy on even chatting with him even when I'm free. I know he's upset but just doesn't show it because he doesn't want us to fight over something like that especially that we are a million miles away from each other. I just don't see the point on contacting each other when we already knew whats happening in each others life. I'm no longer interested.

I'm the kind of person who takes responsible in what I say. It's really difficult for me to say "I love you" when I don't really mean it. I just feel like its a really sensitive and honest word.

I just don't feel anything anymore. I feel numb for some reason that I'm not feeling anything at all for him. I'm really bored in this kind of relationship and its been like that since last year. I know I should break it off but he's been like my anchor. It's too difficult for me to break it off.